Par Atwal

The Importance of Math Before Kindergarten

When I founded CEFA Early Learning schools and designed the curriculum more than 25 years ago, I was very clear that children wouldn’t be learning things just for the sake of knowing them. For example, being able to name every type of dinosaur that ever roamed the earth, or distinguish which ones were carnivores and which ones were not. Before I add anything to the curriculum, I ask myself:

• Is it something the child, at this age, would benefit from knowing?
• Will it help them develop their brains? Their emotions? Their general development as a person?

If so, then it is considered a valuable addition to the curriculum, and the knowledge itself would be essential to the child at that particular stage in their development.

I am explaining this because in reading this article about how to teach your child math before school, you may wonder if it is truly necessary. After all, many children only learn math once they get to kindergarten, so why rush yours? I want assure you that the activities I am suggesting for you and your child will only benefit them in their development.

Learning mathematics in the early years is as crucial as language skills, physical skills or social skills. Your child, from birth, is trying to understand the world around them, and math offers them the tools to organize the information they learn, amongst other things. Math is involved in every other skill in life, and according to recent research, math language is an even stronger predictor of school success than language skills on their own.

But does this mean that your child must begin formal math lessons at two? No. At our schools, everything we introduce as a concept, we introduce through play, or through language. I will show you how you can do that from home. In fact, I am sure that you are already doing it. You are teaching your child math when you ask them; to bring you the blue plate (colours); to put away all the cups (grouping, sorting, quantities); if they would like a big apple or a small one (measurement, estimation); a few grapes or a lot of grapes.

You may also be surprised to learn that, even without your help, your child is already using early math skills throughout their daily routines. Early math, however, doesn’t mean they are sitting at the table doing multiplication tables. It means they become interested in quantities (for example, they want the cup with more milk, not the one with less), in attributes (small or big), and even in counting. According to research, by the time children go to kindergarten, they already have a notion of how to add and subtract. This comes from sharing toys, organizing things and making sense of the world around them. The math your child learns in the early years provides a strong foundation for the rest of their life. You can help your child build a strong foundation by reinforcing key math concepts essential for your child to understand math during the school years. Those skills are number sense, representation, spatial sense, measurement, estimation, patterns and problem-solving.

How to Add Math to Your Child’s Daily Activities Without Detracting From Play Time
You can find fun and educational math games right here on my website that you can do with your child. You can also help your child learn early math skills by building on their natural curiosity and incorporating it to their daily activities and routines. Below I have shared a few ways you can do that.

Use Math Language
Starting with newborns, you can read stories to your child using lots of repetition, numbers and rhymes. Not sure what words are math words? Here is a list for zero to six-year old’s. You can introduce them as your child feels ready, increasing in amount and complexity. In order to learn language, newborns and young children must be exposed to books, signing, rhymes and fingerplays, lots of repetition and conversation. For math language, choose books, rhymes and fingerplays that have numbers, shapes, colours and sizes. As well as introducing language, social skills and vocabulary, songs reinforce patterns an essential math skill.

Find and Name Shapes Everywhere
From birth, you can talk to your child about shapes through books, or in daily conversation. Starting at age 1, you can introduce your child to toys like shape sorters and blocks (here are a few examples I would recommend). You can also use cereal boxes, cardboard boxes, paper towel rolls or any container to provide your child with an assortment of shapes to play with, and even use them as blocks! Stacking and manipulating shapes helps your child learn about them, and the relationship between them (for example, two squares joined together make a rectangle). Let them feel the shapes with all their senses: mouthing the toys, stacking them, pushing them around, listening to see if they make any sounds – the more ways the better. When you play together remember to:

• Name the shapes
• Count the sides they have
• Describe the colours
• See if they stack (for example, triangles and circles or spheres don’t stack)
• See if they roll
• See if they are pointy

Name shapes wherever you see them: outside, inside, in their room, in a book – anywhere!

While on a walk, teach your child the shape and colour of a STOP sign, so they know that when they see it, it means they have to stop. Build a mystery box and put shapes in it, so your child can recognize shapes using their sense of touch.

Notice and Name All the Colours
From birth, you can talk to your child about colours through books, or in daily conversation. Notice the colours around you and describe things your child sees by also describing their colour (“Do you like this yellow truck?” or “Do you want to take your green duck or your yellow duck to the bath?”, “Do you want to wear your white pajamas or your grey ones?”).

When you play together, name the colour of things, and sort things by colour. When driving or even just walking, notice the colours of the traffic lights, and teach your child what they mean. Slowly, you are helping your child develop a sense for the neighbourhood and understand how to stay safe outside of the house.

Add Spatial Words to Your Vocabulary
Spatial awareness will help your child understand the relationship between objects. You can help by making your vocabulary richer. For example, instead of saying “Here are your socks”, you can enrich your child’s vocabulary by saying “Your socks are right next to your shoes”. Or instead of saying “Let’s leave our boots here” you can say “Let’s leave our boots outside the house because they are wet. If we bring them inside, they will make the floor wet”. Instead of saying “Where do you want to write your name on the page?” you can say “Do you want to write your name on top of the page, on the bottom or on the back of the page?”. Instead of saying “Let’s go this way” you can say “Let’s turn left here, then we can go straight”.

Count Everything, Everywhere
This will build number concepts and an understanding of quantities. If you are waiting in line with your child, count how many people are in front of you, how many are behind you. If you are at the beach, count how many shells you can find. At the park, count the pebbles you are bringing home to play with, the butterflies you see, or the children that are playing at the park. At home, count toys, buttons, pom-poms, fruit, people, count anything you want! Get in the habit of counting, and also of noticing numbers, and adding them to your conversations with your child (for example “There are only two children in the sandbox today” or “Everyone is here for dinner, which means we will need six plates. One, two, three, four, five, six!”).

Whenever possible, ask your child for help around the house. This will not only make them feel valued, it will also help them reinforce their counting skills. For example, when making lunch, ask your child to help you by bringing one cup of water for each person (one-to-one correspondence and counting), and one sandwich. Count with them as they do it: one sandwich for mom, one sandwich for you, one sandwich for me! They can help you with the laundry, and count how many clean socks just came out of the dryer, and how many pairs of pants, etc.

Sort Things
One of the first skills I remember learning as a baby is sorting. My mother and I put away all my toys in a toybox before I went to bed, and the clothes in a basket. I learned to clean and organize my room, and I learned math. When I had my own children, they learned the same way that each night before bed, they cleaned their room by putting their clothes in a basket and their toys in their drawer. As they grew older and were better at sorting, the number of drawers increased: one for Lego, one for puzzles, one for the science set, etc. Sorting is a way for your child to organize things by attribute, which is an essential concept in math. From the time they are babies, children sort the information they learn in their minds. For example, they first sort information into broad categories: things that fly and things that don’t fly. Then they get more specific as they learn about the world around them. Things that fly are sorted into things that fly that are birds, and things that fly that are planes, etc.

You can sort things based on attributes, colour, size, texture (ex: toys that are soft to play with [stuffed animal] versus toys that are not [trucks]). Sort things into categories, for example, big seeds you find during a walk, versus small seeds, or red leaves and yellow leaves. Give your child plenty of things to sort. For example, give them a jar with buttons to sort by size, shape, colour or texture, or cut ribbons different lengths to help them sort by size.

Ask for their help sorting clean laundry or putting a load of laundry on. You can sort the laundry into darks and whites before it goes in the wash, or sort into different categories once it needs to be folded (all the pants together, all the shirts together, all the socks together), help them make pairs with the socks, or sort by family member (this is mom’s shirt, and these are baby’s socks). You can arrange your piles from biggest to smallest, you can also count the items. Laundry is a fun sorting game, and another way to spend time with your child throughout the day.

Measure Everything
From birth, you can talk to your child about measurement through books, or in daily conversation. To raise awareness of measurement concepts like length, weight, height, speed, and temperature, use vocabulary like “Look at this button! It is so much bigger than this one! Do you think we can find an even smaller one? Let’s look in the tin!” or “When you pushed the car down the slide, it went so fast! Much faster than the car that didn’t use the ramp!” You can compare sizes, or even note the sizes of things around you (“That is a tall building!”, “Your shoes are smaller than dad’s shoes, but bigger than your sister’s shoes”. When you play together, name the size or length of things (“Let’s read that tiny book over there on the shelf”) or how long things take (“Let’s put the timer for 11 minutes – that’s how long the egg will take before it’s ready”). Find the biggest, the smallest, sort by size, compare sizes of things, see if your child is bigger than objects or smaller than them, measure your child with the measuring tape or use the measuring tape to see how far down the ramp the toy cars can go – the sky is the limit! You can measure temperature by looking at a thermometer, or simply by commenting “Today is cold, we will need our mittens and out hat to go outside. I am glad it’s warm inside the house!” or “Is your food is too hot for you? Would you like me to add an ice cube to it to make it cooler?”.

Another excellent way to incorporate measurement is to enlist your child’s help in the kitchen, where children can help measure (two cups of flour, two tablespoon of lemon juice), estimate and count as well as other essential skills like pouring, stirring, filling, sorting, organizing, vocabulary and following instructions.

Children are fascinated by hourglasses and timers, you can use them to see how long it takes you to put toys away, to make dinner, or to complete an activity. Measuring how long things take and writing it down or even graphing it, will help your child develop a sense of how long things take, and a sense of time. Also mention the time when appropriate (“It’s noon, time for our lunch!”).

Compare
Compare things as you go about your day with your child. This will enrich all of the math skills described in this article. For example, as you play, ask your child if they would like a lot of playdough, or a little playdough. When you eat, ask them if they would like a big portion (a lot of food) or a small portion. When out on a walk, compare how many steps it takes you to get to the next house (or the next block, depending on your child’s enthusiasm for counting) versus how many takes your child. Compare the size and colour of houses, pebbles, cars, flowers, compare textures (“This rock is smooth but this one is rough”). Compare the weight of things, compare animals (“Does the bird have fur like our dog has? What about the shark we saw at the aquarium?”) and their sounds (“Does the cat bark like a dog?”). Compare the distance of things (“Which is closest to our house: the park or the convenience store?”).

You can also count and compare quantities, and build an understanding of operations (early addition and subtraction). You can do this by observing aloud the changing relationships between quantities: For example: “Look, you have 1, 2 cars. I have 1, 2, 3 cars. Now I will give you one of my cars, and you will have 1, 2, 3 cars and I will have 1, 2” or “You ate 2 of your grapes. Now you have 1, 2, 3, 4 grapes left” or “I have 1, 2 slices of apple, I will take 1 more, then I will have 1, 2, 3 slices!”.

Play Patterning Games
Your child can notice patterns from an early age. You can help by describing to your infant what you are doing. For example: “First, we changed your diaper, now we are getting your bottle, then it will be sleep time.”.

If your child is older, you can help them notice patterns on their clothing (“Look! Your shirt has a light blue line, then a dark blue line, then a light blue one and again a dark blue one! All the way to the end!”). You can also make patterns with sounds (“Stomp your feet, clap your hands, stomp your feet, clap your hands, stomp your feet, clap your hands.”) or invite your child to play patterning games while you are working or cooking nearby (they need to be supervised as it poses a choking risk).

Patterning is also an essential math skill and is easy to play with your child. There are plenty of patterning games on this website, but you can also use household items, like fruits, for your child to learn about patterns. For example, your child can make patterns with pasta (“One bowtie, one rotini, one bowtie, one rotini…”), with fruits or veggies (“One apple, two bananas, one apple, two bananas…”) or when they are older, with blocks, or Lego.

You can also find patterns in nature and even make graphs (which they can do by age three). For example, your child can use a calendar and stickers (sun and cloud) to graph the weather. For a whole week, your child can put a sun or rain sticker to illustrate the weather during their outdoor walk. If it was sunny, they use a sun sticker (or they can draw a sun) and if it was raining, they can use a cloud sticker (or draw a cloud). At the end of the week, they can estimate whether the week had more sunny days or rainy days, and then count to be sure. It is best to choose the same time to check the weather every day (for example, when you go play outside) as the weather can change many times in one day. You can learn about patterns by making a visual schedule for your child, either with photos or drawings. It can be very simple, with just a few elements:

• Wake up
• Breakfast
• Play
• Lunch
• Nap
• Play outside
• Dinner
• Story
• Bed

Or you can add more things, like school time, or library day, or field trip day. Your child will begin to understand patterns by seeing there is a rhythm, a pattern, to the day.

By the time your child is in grade one, they will need to have the following math foundations to build on: understanding of size, shape, and patterns; ability to recognize numbers and to count verbally; identifying more and less of a quantity; and understanding one-to-one correspondence.

By changing the way you go about our day with your child, and adding rich math vocabulary as we just described, your child will have a strong math foundation to build upon, a rich vocabulary, and a strong bond with you. Have fun!

by Par Atwal

How to Feed a Picky Eater While Staying at Home

I have been a picky eater most of my life so in writing this, I want to offer you both your perspective and your child’s, while helping you ensure that your child receives proper nutrition.

Feeding your picky eater is challenging in the best of times, but during quarantine, when the level of stress is higher for the entire family, and your child is not getting as much exercise as they normally do, it can seem like an impossible task! Fortunately, I have had plenty of practice with my own children and can share my best tips with you, to help ease the process.

These cannot all be implemented overnight, but with consistency and a little persistence, you will see that soon your child will begin to eat much better.

Keep your routine as consistent as possible
This advice works like magic not only for eating, but also for sleeping, bath time, and pretty much anything else. This is because after a while of your child following the same steps day after day, doing it (in this case, eating dinner) becomes a habit. When that happens, your child doesn’t think about it, they just do it. And since they’re not thinking about having to eat, they’re not thinking about not wanting to eat either. They know, for example, that after playing, we wash our hands and sit down for dinner, then bath time, then story time, then it’s time to sleep. It works after about a week of being consistent, but it will not become a habit until 30 to 90 days (depending on how consistent your routine is).

The COVID-19 pandemic has definitely left many families struggling to adjust to new routines, and figuring it out day by day. Having said that, it can also be an opportunity to figure out a good routine for the entire family and implement it daily. Being home all the time means there are less variables as well (no traffic jams, travel schedules, late nights at work, everyone is together in one place). One of the things you can work on is ensuring that your child has breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks at the same time every day. Choose a routine that you can still implement once everyone returns to school and work, so you don’t have to start over again once the quarantine is over.

Offer healthy snacks in just the right amount
Your child gets hungry between meals, and often need a snack. Just make your snacks healthy (think fruit slices, veggies and dip, oatmeal or nuts with a glass of milk or nut milk rather than cookies or other empty calories) and space them equally between your child’s meals. If at lunchtime your child does not finish their food, offer them the rest of their meal instead of a snack when it’s snack time. Keep beverages to water in general between meals and snacks, so your child’s appetite is not ruined. If your child is used to getting their own snacks when they feel hungry, just be aware of the amount of food they are consuming between meals. Having a big bowl of cereal or a whole banana just before dinner will most likely result in your child having no appetite when you are all ready to eat. If this is the case with your child, simply leave smaller portions, or encourage them to have the rest of their meal instead of a snack when they do feel hungry again.

Also, look at the sugar and nutritional content of the snacks your child has access to. Many granola bars and cereals have high amounts of sugar, which is not only unhealthy but is also the number one reason why your child is not as enthusiastic about your homemade chicken come dinnertime. This, of course, is a general rule, and does not have to be followed so strictly that you can’t enjoy an ice cream together in the backyard every now and then.

Switch to water
When my brother was little, it was painful to watch him eat – he simply couldn’t. No matter what my parents tried (and back then, the most popular techniques for getting a child to eat were yelling, punishing, threatening, and force-feeding) he would only eat a few bites. What my parents had not noticed was how many glasses of milk my little brother would help himself to throughout the day. Milk kept him full all day, and when it was time to eat dinner, he simply wasn’t hungry anymore.

If instead of milk, your child is drinking fruit juice, smoothies or pop, they are consuming a very unhealthy amount of sugar. Put sugary drinks in the same category as desserts instead of viewing them as healthy drinks.

Try switching to tap water, sparkling water, or have your child help you prepare “special water” (prepare a jug of water with berries or citrus slices in it, to add a hint of flavour). Despite a few protests at the beginning, children will eventually get used to the switch, and will even delight in coming up with their very own recipes for “special water”. Some to try are:

• Water with slices of orange
• Water with slices of grapefruit
• Water with slices of cucumber
• Water with slices of lemon and a few drops of stevia (a potent natural sweetener)
• Water with raspberries and/or blackberries
• Water with strawberries
• Water with slices of watermelon
• Water with a few mint leaves and a few slices of lime

Make the switch very special, explain that you had no idea how much sugar a juice box / pop had, and how glad you are that you all know now so you don’t ruin your health. It’s really a positive switch. You can make it extra special by buying a new water container that I know for a fact your young child will be fascinated by (one of these which even offers two options for your child to choose from) and leaving it within their reach, inside or outside. You can add ice to keep it cool all day.

Don’t force your child to eat
Children generally know when to stop eating (how much is enough) better than adults do. Adults tend to finish what is on their plate, whereas children tend to stop eating when they are satisfied. Body awareness is the ability to listen to cues from our bodies and is an important life skill that we often lose as adults. As a result, we eat too much and become unhealthy or overweight.

I recommend you set the simple rule I did at my home, which never fails to work. When your child feels satisfied, help them save their portion for later. Make it clear, however, that when they feel hungry again, it is important that they eat the rest of their meal instead of a snack, a fruit, or anything else. This is not a punishment, but if it feels that way to your child, you can very simply explain that the meals you prepare have all the nutrients their bodies need (protein, carbohydrates and greens). If they just eat a cereal bar, it will lack those nutrients (or at least some of them) which they absolutely need. This was something my children understood well from a very early age. Just explain it, make no exceptions, and repeat, repeat, repeat the same explanation.

By applying this strategy, your child will end up eating their meal when they are hungry, instead of having it all in one go. Also, if your child was inadvertently saving themselves for a sugary snack which they preferred, having to have the meal instead of the snack will take care of that, and ensure that your child is getting the proper nutrition they need. Eventually, they will get used to eating at mealtimes, since the sugary “rewards” are no longer available.

Try it 17 times (this is truly a magic trick)
I learned in one of my classes at university that it takes 17 times before your body learns to not dislike a particular food. According to what I read, if you didn’t like spinach (as an example) the first time you tried it, you should still keep trying it, and after about 17 times you would begin to like it. Given enough times, you would learn to love it. This absolutely fascinated me, and I of course shared this with my children when they were very young. They were really surprised, but better yet, they wanted to put it to the test. This was amazing for me, because each time they tried something and didn’t like it, we would say ”I bet you will like it after 17 times” and I would serve it again another day of the week, and again, and each time, they would try to keep count of how many times they had tried it. The best part was that they just had to try one bite, they didn’t have to eat any more (after all, they didn’t like the taste). More often than not, they would lose count of how many times they tried the food, but would always look forward to the 17^th time, to see if they would end up liking it. They often did! The result, over the years, was that they really did try everything not once but 17 times, and that they ended up with a very short list of things they truly didn’t like, even after 17 times.

You don’t have to eat what I prepare (another magic trick)
This is another one of my favourites, which I have been doing since my children were old enough to tell me they didn’t want to eat what I prepared. I know it will work for you too – it’s just human nature.

I taught my children that their bodies required a balanced meal in order to get all the nutrients they needed to be healthy and grow. I kept it incredibly simple and divided it into: vegetables, carbs and protein. I don’t eat a lot of “carbs” per se (bread, rice, potatoes) other than vegetables, but I didn’t make it that complicated for my children, as they did need more energy from carbs than I did. Whenever I served a meal, I made half their plates vegetables (salad or steamed or prepared), a quarter of their plates protein (meat or legumes) and the other quarter carbs (rice, potatoes, freshly baked baguette, pasta, etc.).

I always said to them that they didn’t have to eat what I had prepared, but they had to replace it with something equivalent. If they didn’t want the salad, they could run to the kitchen and make their own salad, or have some carrot sticks, or steamed broccoli – whatever they wanted, as long as it was vegetables. I did the same thing with the meat and carbs. They loved knowing that they never had to eat something they didn’t feel like eating. All they had to do (because I had already cooked) was to cook something different for themselves. At first, it was fun and they loved trying, but soon enough, they found it so much easier to eat what they had on their plate instead of having to prepare something else, that they ended up eating it just to save themselves the trouble of having to cook something. I always prepared extra food that I kept in the fridge as well, so if they wanted rice instead of mashed potatoes, they would just eat the rice from the day before which I had saved.

This not only gave my children great self-help skills, it also left them in charge (armed with the right information) of deciding what they wanted to eat. No arguments – just lots of options.

Have the one sweet thing per day rule
Both my sons and I have a sweet tooth. We love dessert, candy, chocolate, gum, pop, and any other sweet option we can find. From a very young age, I had to teach my children that too much sugar was damaging to their bodies, and that the maximum amount we could handle was one sweet a day. This is very simple, very easy to understand, and very easy to apply. If my son felt like having a can of pop, all I would have to say is: is that what you choose for your sweet today? And they could make the decision right on the spot and all by themselves. They could enjoy their can of pop or save their one sweet thing for dessert or some candy. They never argued with me about it, because if they tried to make exceptions, I would stay firm, but also let them know I can relate. I would say, for example, “I know, I wish I could have two things also! If I could have two things, I would choose to have a glass of pop and a slice of chocolate cake! What would you choose?” and they would stop trying to negotiate (there’s nothing I could do about it either, in their eyes, it’s just how our bodies work) and move on to deciding what they would spend their sweet allowance on.

Provide opportunities for your child to exercise each day
I know it is easier said than done when everyone has to stay indoors, but with a little creativity, we can make it work. Go for a walk or bike ride every day around your neighbourhood, have a race in your backyard, set up an obstacle course, jump on a trampoline, play catch, play frisbee – anything is good, as long as your child has an opportunity to move.

If you are not able to go outside, use your bed as a trampoline, have an obstacle course at home, play balloon badminton, have a dance party, slide down a long corridor, do a jumping jacks competition, or invite your child to join you in your (home) gym routine – as long as it’s appropriate for their developing muscles. My sons used to like joining me when I did abdominals, lunges, runs, or any of my exercises. Try it!

Reduce screen time
If you are like every other family, struggling to work from home while your child is in constant need of your attention, it is understandable that in order to manage all your responsibilities, you have been open to a little more screen time. This is fine and will not have a huge detrimental impact on your child’s development, especially if you choose more educational apps or programs for them.

The only thing to keep in mind, however, is that according to research, too much screen time has been linked with inattention, insomnia, obesity and other troubles. Inattention, of course, is the last thing you need when trying to feed your child a healthy meal.

Eating as a family is, in my opinion, one of the most important gifts you can give your children. I love cooking for my family, and to this day, we always eat dinner together not because we have to, but because we want to. That’s when we talk, catch-up, laugh, share stories, learn new things and bond. Fighting with your child because they are picky eaters can put a real dent in this treasured family tradition. I never had to argue with my children about what they should and shouldn’t eat, and I know that with these few strategies, you won’t have to either. Just slowly start implementing them and before you know it, you will no longer have difficulties at mealtimes. Let me know how it goes!

by Par Atwal

Getting Closer to Your Child Through Journaling

You are a busy parent. By the end of your workday and after your child’s various activities, it seems near impossible to engage in a rich, meaningful conversation with your child. More times than not, when asking about their day, you barely get a “fine” for an answer.

Having a close relationship with our children and truly connecting with them in a meaningful way is what we all want as parents. And for that to happen, keeping the lines of communication open is a must. Yet, it seems that no matter what question you ask, the answer is either “yes”, “no” or “I don’t know”. How do you go about turning these short answers into actual conversations?

A great way to achieve this is to invite them to start a journal. In it, your child can write the things that are most memorable about that day, while you explore them together. If you can, set aside some time to spend with each one of your children while they journal. If you are pressed for time, you can always have ten to fifteen minutes as a family, where everyone writes n their journal and shares the highlights of their day. Daily journaling not only gives you a glimpse into your child’s life, it also has great health benefits.

Journaling is shown to reduce anxiety and stress in adults and children. It helps your child clarify their thoughts and feelings, and get in touch with their internal world, which in turns helps you know your child better, by giving you a glimpse into their internal world.

Even if your children are too young to write, journaling can be a wonderful activity. Instead of writing, they can draw the things they loved the most about their day, or tape photos and even objects onto their journal, like a feather they found on the way to the park, or the wrapper from the most delicious candy they tasted.

At any age, journaling is a wonderful way to connect with your children because it gives you the chance to learn about the things that matter most to them. Journaling not only helps you understand your child, it will also help them get to know themselves, as they discover the things they like, the things that make them happy, and the things they do not like so much. A child’s understanding of their identity can have a big impact on their self-esteem and emotional health. Strengthen the bond you have with your children by staying with them while they work on their journal. Make sure, however, that you are only an observer. Do not judge, correct, or influence your child in any way during this time. If your child is writing, do not spell-check. Keep in mind that this is not a school assignment, nor is it an opportunity to improve academic skills – it is a way for you to communicate with your children and get to know them. All you need to do is be present, and make the most of the experience by talking to them with interest about the memories they choose to include in their journal.

In addition to the health benefits of journaling, the activity also helps develop your child’s emotional intelligence, vocabulary and critical thinking skills. This, in turn, directly impacts your child’s school performance. Journaling is a wonderful outlet and inspiration for young writers in the making as well!

If your child does not like the idea of journaling, an alternative would be to film short videos where your child talks about the things they loved most and least about their day, or the things they are looking forward to. Because talking to a camera is much more simple than drawing, writing, or assembling the contents of a journal entry, your child will have less time to explore their feeling around what they have chosen to talk about, and the experience may be less impactful for both of you. Still, it will get you closer to your child.

Encourage your child to document not just the big, obvious events in their day, but also the little things, like a new song they like, a photo of a caterpillar they found in the backyard, a drawing of their favourite swing, or the recipe for a meal they tried and really liked that day. Journaling is less about re-telling what we do, and more about discovering who we are.

Through time, you can bring up the things that you remember them mentioning in their journal and include them in your daily activities. For example, you can plan a picnic to the beach and mention “I remember you writing about how much you like the sea, and I thought you might enjoy coming here today.”. By paying attention to what matters most to your child, they will feel understood by you and open up not only while they are journaling, but also throughout the day. This is a sure way to strengthen the bond between parent and child.

Once journaling becomes a habit, you can also share your own thoughts and feelings with your child throughout the day. This will help your child develop empathy skills, by being aware of your interests and needs, as well as their own.

Soon you will see that these journals are not only your most treasured keepsakes as your children grow, they are also a guaranteed way to provide rich and fulfilling conversations, and a close relationship for years to come. Happy journaling!

by Par Atwal

Temper Tantrums: How to Prevent Them and How to Deal With Them

Some of the most frustrating moments for parents includes having to endure their child’s temper tantrums, especially if these happen somewhere in public, like, the local supermarket. No matter how cool and collected we act on the outside, tantrums can be quite challenging and embarrassing at times. When our children lose control, even the best parents are left doubting their ability to parent.

But the truth is that temper tantrums are a very natural and normal part of every child’s development. They happen because your child has not yet developed the maturity to deal with all of their emotions. Specifically, they cannot express in words the emotions that they are feeling. Even very verbal children have a hard time expressing their emotions with words. In time, and with your guidance, they will learn how to express their feelings appropriately. Still, I feel that even as adults sometimes we feel upset and don’t quite understand why, or can’t put it into words – does that ever happen to you? I always think that if we struggle sometimes, having much more life experience and a wider vocabulary, how can we expect a two year old who is just learning to talk, experiencing emotions for the first time, growing at an incredible speed and learning about the world around them to handle it all?

We know from research that temper tantrums are not planned, they just happen, and when they happen, there is nothing you can do to stop them. Having said that, there are ways for you to anticipate them and prevent some from happening, which I will share with you here.

Why do Temper Tantrums Happen?

Temper tantrums happen when your child loses control of their emotions. Children generally have trouble controlling themselves when they feel frustrated, angry, tired, hungry or stressed in any way. Sometimes even boredom, hunger, or a nap that was too short will make them whiny. This in turn will make you feel irritated, and your negative response to your child can trigger a full-blown tantrum. Temper tantrums also happen when your child is going through a growth or developmental spurt (for example, learning to walk or read). They are more common when children reach the age of two, and sometimes also at ages five or six. This corresponds with the time your child is asserting their independence.

How to Get Good at Preventing Temper Tantrums

Some temper tantrums will happen even if you are an exemplary parent, but many can easily be prevented. To prevent tantrums, you need to work on two things:

1. Provide clear and consistent discipline for your child, and a calm environment.
2. Get to know your child’s cues so that you can catch it before it starts. Generally, parents today are not as connected and in tune with their children’s cues as they were before cellphones and texting entered our world. But if you look closely, you will notice when your child is getting sleepy or overly tired. You will see when they are frustrated by an activity that proves too difficult, or hungry between meals. The more you are in sync with your child’s emotional state, the more you will be able to help your child manage those emotions before they reach the level of a tantrum. It is as simple as that. Once you recognize the source of a potential tantrum, you can use some of the strategies below to ensure that your child experiences as few tantrums as humanly possible. And believe me—tantrums are as unpleasant for your child as they are for you!

By providing the right guidance, environment and understanding when your child is about to lose control you can prevent most temper tantrums from happening. My children rarely had tantrums, because I researched and put in place the same strategies I am sharing with you here today. I was the first of three siblings to have children, and my family and I are close. We always have fun together, but I have to admit, we are not a quiet group – there are always lots of laughs at family reunions, When I had my first child, I found out the hard way that some things had to change. My family and I got together about once a week to share a meal. When I had a baby, he went with me to all the parties, all the family get-togethers, and stayed until everyone went home. When he was about two years old, I remember getting together for brunch with my family, and my son starting to cry about two hours after we arrived, for two or three weeks in a row. I couldn’t understand it – he slept well, ate well, had lots of my time and the family’s time – why was he crying? I have to admit, I felt embarrassed at first, and as usual, tried to immediately solve the problem by doing what I do best – research. I realized then that since he was still napping in the afternoons, and my family reunions were so stimulating and fun for him, he didn’t want to miss out and instead didn’t nap, but after a while, as much as he wanted to partake in the fun of it all, it was too much for him. It was too loud, too stimulating, too much. All I had to do was make sure I changed the time of the family get-togethers to work around my son’s schedule and learn to make an exit before he was overtired, and voilà! No more crying! I learned that knowledge is power when raising a child, and that things are quite simple once you know what you are doing. That is why I am so passionate in sharing all that I have learned with you.

Avoiding Temper Tantrums Is As Easy As 1, 2, 3!

1. Avoid crowded, busy places

If you see that your child is about to have a tantrum (or is having one) avoid crowds at all costs. If you are already somewhere with too many people or too much noise, leave as soon as you can and go somewhere quiet with as little stimulation as possible.Once you get to know your child’s sensitive times (when they are tired, hungry or frustrated) avoid taking them to crowded, loud or stimulating places during those times.

Those places are triggers when your child is feeling sensitive. You can plan your day around your child’s needs, which will avoid many temper tantrums. For example, you could go to the supermarket after your child has lunch and a nap, instead of when they feel hungry or tired.

2. Divert
   

If you see that your child is getting frustrated with an activity or a sibling, suggest a different activity before they lose control of their emotions: “You’ve been playing with your sister for a while now, and I miss you! Would you like to come for a walk with me?” or “It’s hard to put these puzzle pieces together isn’t it? Do you want to play in the water to rest your fingers for a little while? We could put bubbles in the bathtub!” Find something else attractive enough for your child to want to take a break from their current activity. Above all, don’t make your child feel like they have to do something else because they can’t handle what they are doing—children too have their pride.

3. Offer choices

If your child is asking you relentlessly for something they want, and your answer is no, say it in a different way. For example: “This candy will hurt your teeth. Let’s find something you will love that is better for your health. Would you like this piece of watermelon? Or do you want to help me prepare apple slices with honey? Let’s see if we can find honey here…” and go in search of it. If it is something they do not want, and you can’t provide an option for them, use the same method: “You need to wear shoes because we are going outside. Would you like your runners or your rubber boots? Would you like me to put them on for you or do you want to put them on?”. This works because young children quickly focus on the options provided and the fact that they have a choice to make and feel less upset about what they cannot do (in this case, go barefoot on the street).

The more choices your child gets to make throughout the day, the more they feel in control and the fewer tantrums they will have. Even when your child is happy and content, make it a habit to offer choices and ask them for their opinion: “Should we go this way or that way? Which do you prefer?”. Offer them the opportunity to make decisions: “Do you want to go to the park today or to the library? Would you like to eat with a spoon or a fork? Do you want your vegetables first or your noodles?” The more your child learns to manage their life and enjoy more independence, the sooner they will be able to manage their emotions as well. Many tantrums happen because children are asserting their independence – they reach an age where they no longer want you to make all of the decisions on their behalf. Giving them the opportunity to make decisions on their own means less confrontations, and less confrontations means less tantrums.

How Your Response to a Tantrum Affects Your Child

Even if you get really good at detecting your child’s triggers, sometimes tantrums will happen anyway. Remember that your child is developing physically and emotionally at an incredibly rapid rate and this can be draining. This is one of the times your child needs you the most as a parent, to help them through it.

Yet, many parents feel like if they “let” the tantrum happen, they are spoiling their child, or reinforcing the behaviour. This is not the case. Our children need to know that no matter what, you love them, you are there to help, and they will be ok. If you ignore your child while they are having a tantrum, that is not the message you are sending. Instead, they learn that their feelings are not important, that they don’t matter (and maybe even that they themselves don’t matter unless they “behave”). If you get angry, yell at them or worse, punish them for having a tantrum, they learn that it is not ok to express their feelings, that they have to repress them.

Parents who lash back at their children and “lose it” when they have a tantrum are only teaching their child that their parents can turn on them, and this has long term consequences that are much more damaging to your child than having to put up with an embarrassing public tantrum.

What we can do as parents is make sure our children feel that their feelings are accepted by us, and not diminished or played down. Instead, help your child understand their feelings, and encourage them to express them in words instead of fits, and channel that energy constructively. This is something as parents that we do on a daily basis, from the moment our child is born, and it never ends – it constantly needs to be reinforced.

The message to your child should be clear and consistent: You will be okay; I am here for you.

When Temper Tantrums Happen Anyway

So what do you do when a tantrum is happening? That is also as easy as 1, 2, 3!

1. Get down to your child’s level

Wherever your child is, get close to them at their same level. Stay calm, and don’t worry about who is around you, just be there for your child. Sit in the middle of the grocery store aisle if you must; no one that matters will care. If you can, embrace your child in a warm hug until it passes. If they don’t want to be held, just stay as close as you can and rub their back, or just stay close. Don’t crowd them. The point is to show your child that you are there for them and you empathize with them. Next, you;

2. Validate and verbalize their feelings

Tantrums happen when your child is not yet able to cope with their feelings. Part of learning to cope is learning to identify what these feelings are. You can help by verbalizing what your child is feeling. Even if you are the cause of your child’s tantrum, you can still, without changing your position, empathize with your child. Here is an example of how to do this: “You are angry with me because I had to help you get dressed so we could leave on time. I know how much you like to get dressed on your own. I am sorry we did not have more time today, but we could not be late for our doctor’s appointment. I am here for you; you will be okay.”

3. Wait for it to end

As difficult as it is to watch your child go through it, the best thing to do is stay close and calm until it ends. It is like waiting for the rain to stop—there is no point in encouraging it to stop sooner —it will stop when it stops. If you are calm, and if you are there for your child, you will see that soon your child will feel calmer and the temper tantrum will end. Once it does, you do not need to talk about it unless your child brings it up. Definitely do not make your child feel bad for having a tantrum. Avoid talking with your spouse or someone else about what you “had to go through” in front of your child, as it can unnecessarily affect your bond with your child. At a different time, when your child is calm and rested, you can show them different ways of expressing themselves when they feel upset.

It takes time to teach your child how to handle their own feelings, but in doing so, you teach them that their feelings are important, that they are free to express them, and that you trust them to handle their feelings. They will also learn that they can count on you for guidance and mentorship when they don’t know how to handle their feelings.

Of all the things we go through with our children, tantrums are by far the least pleasant to endure. With these tools, you will ensure that the tantrums are as few and as mild as possible. Let me know how it goes!

by Par Atwal